It's all coming back!

I can feel it all.
All the emotions i felt before. All the pain. sorrow. All the thoughts, they are coming back to me. The depression is slowly taking control over my body. I thought this piece in my life was over. I guess I was wrong. i cannot believe that this is happening again. God got me through this the "first time" Well, maybe this was never really ever maybe this is not a "second" but maybe it's a continuance of the first. Maybe I never really got over this, Maybe I just played myself. I tricked my mind into thinking one thing so I could please the other people around me. Every little thing around me aggravates me! My father, came into my room and moved a ton of my things, and did not have the courtesy to put my things back! He kicks my belongings. Feels the need to tell me every single time HE THINKS I'm wrong and never tells me anything when I am right. My mother does the same thing.  So does Chip. I wish I could get emancipated. I would be out of this house and living with Melanie. It doesn't sound like the ideal situation for a 15 year old; but at this stage in my life, I am beyond mature enough to move out and live my life. I'm sick of it all. I hate being treated like a child. I know that my legal age in 15; but that is no excuse for my mental age. I am being held inside the body of a 15 year old and it doesn't help anything. When ever I speak up all anyone can hear is the 15 year old being "snotty" but if it were to come form someone older they wouldn't take it that way. Why does age have to matter so much, sometimes it is a maturity level. But other times it's just a way for things to be counted as legal or illegal. I'm so sick and tired of this. Verbal and emotional abuse. I don't care if it's "normal" to have in a home. To have this much is so overwhelming! I simply just can't take it anymore. This is really making me physically sick. Why do I feel these urges to cause SI and many other things. Life should be about one thing, and I can't do that one thing until I have overcome these obstacles. I thought there would just be little hills after this, but NOOOO, Just lots and lots of giant mountains to overcome. I thought that the last release would help so much, and it did, for a while. Until I slipped. I just wish I had money to go to Mrs. Shelly, and to take piano lessons. Those two things are something I am going to strive for. That's how I will spend my money. If i die of hunger, oh well, I need that money to keep my sanity. I'm glad I have great friends, but sometimes I just wish that didn't hold me back from doing what I have wanted to do over these past few years..........