Is this what I ask for?

I don't think I deserve any of this. Being punched, kicked, spit on, everything he did to me, I don't think i deserved it. But maybe I did. I don't know. Maybe I did something horrible that caused me to deserve this. Maybe I just made it all up. Maybe I...... maybe I dreamed it. I don't know what it was, but it happened. I am living in fear of him. He's 20 years old and I am scared to death of him. I want nothing to do with him. I don't want to converse with him. I just wish none of this happened. My parents blame me for him hitting me, but maybe it was my fault. I just feel awful about this because I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I'm scared. and I'm alone. HELP.