Sometimes.

Sometimes, at night, I sit in my room and cry. Cry about who I am. Who I want to be. My life. The life I want. The friends I wish i had and the friends I no longer have. I wish I were different. I wish I were someone else. Someone better. Someone with out bi-polar disorder. Someone people looked up to. Admired. Enjoyed being around. I get really depressed when I don't do anything for a few days. Sometimes I just cry. And sometimes I'm fine. but tonight. I'm not fine. Tonight, I want to hurt myself. I wont. I just want to. I feel like no one trusts me. Maybe that's guilt from drinking and smoking and not telling my parents yet. I'm not sure. All I know is I'm tired of this life I live. I want a different life. with parents who love me. A family who sticks my each others side no matter what. Friends who I could trust. Who could trust me. Sometimes when I'm driving, I look at the road ahead of me, and wonder where it could take me. Who I would meet on my way, and who I would be at the end of the road. Then I think about my life now. And want to wreck the car. Suicide. But for now, I just dream. Sometimes. I cry about stupid things. but those stupid things are important to me.