Feelings?, truth?, lies?

I feel so unwanted right now. My mom has a friend, family member, what ever that is telling her I say horrible things about her on Facebook. I have much better things to talk about than her. I don't get why she wont believe me when I tell her I never said anything. I feel like I'm the adult and she's the child. I feel like no one there has changed. I feel like everyone is against me, even distant relatives. I feel like everyone hates me...and this is MY FAMILY! I feel like I don't belong. I feel like i have torn our whole family apart. literally. I don't agree with any of this, but I'm the one to blame. I have been my whole life. But I guess I just figured that people would change and things could get better. But maybe I was wrong in thinking that. I should have tried harder to kill myself....Things would never be resolved between my brother and parents, but it doesn't matter because they take his side anyway, they believe him over me because he's older or something..I honestly feel about as useless and wanted as a white crayon......I don't want to go back to that madness. I don't want to live in fear again. I don't want to go back..Please...don't make me have to go back.